The First Annual Toilet Tournament

I love March Madness. Until recently, March Madness has loved me. I watched UCLA make three consecutive final four appearances in 2006, 2007, and 2008. Last year, UCLA was eliminated in the second round. I thought that was the worst I was going to see. I was wrong. This year, UCLA is 13-17. My Bruins have logged losses to the likes of Portland and basically every Cal State campus.

To make matters worse, Miami basketball started off the season 15-1, and then simply decided they were done. Now, it's March and my only hope for a rooting interest in this tournament is a miraculous conference tournament run. I'm not the only one suffering. My good friend and fellow basketball enthusiast, Yuval Sharon, is an Indiana fan. No one expected much of IU, but the Hoosiers managed to disappoint even the most realistic IU fans.

As Yuval and I recounted our pathetic college hoop seasons, we came up with an idea. Since neither one of us is going to have a rooting interest in the NCAA tournament this year, we would create a tournament of our very own. This tournament would decide whose team made the most pathetic showing this year. It would be called the Toilet Tournament.

This tournament considers a number of categories to ultimately determine who truly is college basketball's worst team. (More detailed explanation of scoring to come during the First Round). We have narrowed the field of terrible basketball teams to 16. Each team is placed in a region named for an individual who has disgraced himself recently. It just seemed to fit. Without further delay, here are the "lucky" teams named to the First Annual Toilet Tournament.

The Tiger Woods Region
(1) UCLA (13-17)
(2) Rice (8-23)
(3) Bryant (1-29)
(4) Alcorn State (2-29)

The Rod Blagojevich Region
(1) Indiana (10-20)
(2) Fordham (2-26)
(3) Oklahoma (13-17)
(4) Arkansas Pine-Bluff (14-15) (You may ask why a team that is not from a traditional basketball school and has a decent record is in the Toilet Tourney. Well, I'm glad you asked. This team won the first annual "Sybil Award for Split Personalities." The Golden Lions went 0-11 on the road in non-conference play, then proceeded to go 14-4 in SWAC play. They are currently the favorites to win the conference tournament. That's special....so special that they deserve a spot in the Toilet Tournament.)

The John Edwards Region
(1) UNC (16-15)
(2) Marist (1-29)
(3) Penn State (11-19)
(4) The Pac Ten (That's right...this conference was so bad, everyone deserves a spot in the Toilet Tourney)

The Eliot Spitzer Region
(1) Texas (24-8) (Sure, they are going to make the NCAA Tourney, but the Horns went from No. 1 to being unranked)
(2) DePaul (8-23)
(3) LSU (11-19)
(4) UNC-Greensboro (8-23)

Round 1 will begin this weekend. Enjoy!